HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Practice making fax and modem noises.
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
12. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
13. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
15. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
17. Honk and wave to strangers.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
19. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
20. type only in lowercase.
21. dont use any punctuation either
22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
25. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
26. Ask people what gender they are.
27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
28. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
29. Sing along at the opera.
30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Now... obviously I didn't write these. I'm creative yes, but not this creative.

But these are actually really good ideas. Maybe I’m cruel, or maybe you people just need to get a sense of humor. I mean come on… 3. If you have a glass eye, occasionally tap it with a pen while you’re talking to people.. that is classic. I wish I had a glass eye simply to do that. I can only imagine my reaction to that so I’m sure that others would be at least as funny as mine, but probably funnier. 22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets…. Again, classic. I am almost tempted to do this. I had to delete the real number two because it was dirty, but the other things on this list are really funny and quite entertaining. I may have to try them out and blog about them ayeee.