animal lipstick art

Lipstick art is the newest form of expression... actually this is the first time I have ever seen it in my life and it is weird and I don't think I ever want to see it again. This is not normal. No person in their right mind would ever go out in public with this, so why waste the time and money on lipstick to do this and just hide in your house. This is freakish and weird.

This is the "foxy lips". Thats weird. First off, if you think you are foxy and you put this on your face, take note: YOU ARE NOT FOXY. Why would you do this ever? Where are you gonna go with that on? A fox party? NO. Go wash your face.

This one is called the "endangered panda lips". Sweetie, something is only endangered if it is living and starting to not be living anymore because they are all dying. The only thing being endangered by your panda lips is you having friends. Again, please go wash your face this is weird.

"These lips be good".... No. These lips be bad. What bee have you ever seen with blue wings? None. I don't think I've ever seen a bee close enough to know if they have blue on their wings. But I am pretty certain that bees don't have a dazed look like this in their eyes. Comeon now. Oh, and that wart, or mole or whatever on your face is distracting.

I don't know if I am more disturbed by the fact that someone painted a Pokemon on their face and thought it was socially acceptable, or the fact that there is an orange tongue in the picture. And again, the wart or mole is really distracting me. Pikachu needs to zap that thing off with this little electrical tail.

This one is just weird. Crab lips......... COOL!!!!!!!!! But not really. This is making me crabby.. get it?! Crabby... yeah not funny. Just like this is really not cool. Please get rid of these lips because its freaking me out.

Excuse me..... um what?!

Okay, may I start by this guy is a stud. He is basically punching a shark in the gill. Studmuffin. He is manhandling a shark. Not even gonna lie, that’s cool. I wish I could manhandle, but I’m not a man and really I wouldn’t want to handle a shark because it would probably eat me. The caption would probably be my favorite part: Excuse me I was looking at the water. Buddy, sorry to break it to you, but that water is something nasty. You were just trying to be witty, and I’ll give it to you that you were, but that water is murky, and nasty, and brown and disgusting. So sorry, but you were not looking at the water. Just saying.

Love Poem

I think this man may have the wrong perspective on life. Either that, or he’s young, naïve and probably a frat boy obsessed with the idea of never settling down. Just a few options for ya. But anyway, I mean I’m 17 years old and the idea of waking up next to someone every morning for the rest of my life kind of repulses me right now. I mean seriously, who wants to wake up to someone’s morning breath every single morning. “Oh goodmorning sweetie, lord please brush those things before I pass out from the stench of your breath” is really romantic and all, but I’m okay settling with sleeping alone for a while. I can love from a distance for now. And for a while actually. I like my personal space, and having my covers stolen in the middle of the night would quite frankly, make me love them less and less every night. It wouldn’t end good for them. So I get all the mushy love stuff about how cute it is to wake up to the love of your life every morning and all that junk, but I’m alright not having to handle that for a while. I mean yeah, I guess this guy is a little cynical and apparently so am I. For a love poem, this is pretty depressing but whatever, until I’m at least 25, I agree with his perspective on life. Which I guess in a sense relates me to a young, naïve person ( obviously not a frat boy cause I’m a girl….) but I’m okay with that. At least for now anyway.

Cute dog.... HA.

I’m sorry to offend, but honestly the people who do things like this to their pets are freaks. I mean comeon, it takes a lot for me to  blog about animals that I don’t hate or anything, but this one I just feel sorry for. A dog dyed green, stuffed in a trashcan to look like a sesame street character? Are you kidding me? I’m pretty sure that’s animal cruelty. I mean that is just freakish. If this was supposed to be for Halloween or something I mean yeah I sort of get it, but did you expect the dog to sit in the trashcan all night? I would be a little offended if I were the dog. “oh sit in the trashcan all night and be a little prop and people can say how cute you are and we can be proud”. I would bite you. That is not okay. Dogs have feelings too. They want to be loved and treasured. Would you dye your child green and stuff it in a trashcan like its worthless and just for show? If its yes, go get some psychological help… and call child services. Poor little dog. People these days.

one liners...... tehehehe

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I find this one to be highly entertaining. Although it probably wouldn't work, there is very good logic behind it. I mean if you ask God for something specific and shallow, chances are you aren't just going to have it given to you. So, the logic in this witty one liner was quite good.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Again, witty. It is true that you only need a parachute to skydive if it isn't your death wish. Which would be kind of morbid. So parachutes would be appreciated.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
A huge fact of life, is people don't care about your problems. They have enough problems of their own to worry about, without having to worry about yours too. So maybe when they start laughing you should realize it is not a pity laugh, but simply a "ha you actually think I care about your problems how pathetic" kind of laugh instead.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

This girl rang me up one time, she says "come over, nobody is home", I went over, no one was home!
You are an idiot. And dirty. And guilible. HA.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
I'd have to disagree with this one. My hip bones tend to find things more often than my shins. And my toes. But, whatever part finds seems to be "it" in the stupid hide-and-seek in the dark with furniture game, never fails to bruise.

Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
hahahahahhahahahaha. thats all i have to say.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
bahahh whoever came up with this one is a genius. that is hilarious. I have a strange sense of humor, but its still funny.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
All I have to say, is if I end up dying in this such way, lord save me and make m like the grandfather. As fun as a car crash to my death sounds, I think I'll pass on the joyous occasion.

Why are you trying to wear your cat as clothes..?

In all honesty, I'm not sure which I'm more concerned for.. the cats or the fact that this is just disturbing. Granted, I googled "weird pictures" so that I could find something to blog about, but I had expected funny things like the moutheyes picture with hair coming out of the eyes. But a nude couple with cats covering their parts (and let me just say thank the LORD for those cats being there) was definately NOT what I expected. I've got a few issues with this picture. First off, I'm trying to figure out why this picture was ever taken. Because it is just repulsive. Second, they look really happy, like im talking REALLY happy. I hate cats. Despise them actually. So the fact that these people are naked with those naaasty animals on their laps and they STILL look happy is actually making me quite nauseous. Third, the people and cats are both oversized. This is not a rude statement, it is simply a fact that I know because of the fat rolls hanging out the side, and the amazing fact that the cats are hiding most of the other rolls. So, I appreciate the cats being fat, but I think I would appreciate it more if the people were skinnier or the cats fatter to keep me pure and not ruined from seeing that much of the people. But my eyes are already bleeding, and whats done is done. Helpful hint: If you want to take a picture like this (we won't be friends anymore) but keep it off the internet for the sake of the public.

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Practice making fax and modem noises.
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
12. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
13. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
15. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
17. Honk and wave to strangers.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
19. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
20. type only in lowercase.
21. dont use any punctuation either
22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
25. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
26. Ask people what gender they are.
27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
28. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
29. Sing along at the opera.
30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Now... obviously I didn't write these. I'm creative yes, but not this creative.

But these are actually really good ideas. Maybe I’m cruel, or maybe you people just need to get a sense of humor. I mean come on… 3. If you have a glass eye, occasionally tap it with a pen while you’re talking to people.. that is classic. I wish I had a glass eye simply to do that. I can only imagine my reaction to that so I’m sure that others would be at least as funny as mine, but probably funnier. 22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets…. Again, classic. I am almost tempted to do this. I had to delete the real number two because it was dirty, but the other things on this list are really funny and quite entertaining. I may have to try them out and blog about them ayeee.